I love my wife and we bought land and a home. You can also rent a ballroom or a conference hall for insanely cheap. And the entertainment options are essentially endless. Back in the days of Usenet, this was called the lurkers support me in email, which just about sums it up. Couples therapy, NOW, to sort out this huge red flag. Maybe there are some things about himself orhis relationship with you that need some work. seem much more based on portrayals in television/movies rather than reality. If I got raped on travel, Id still be the same person when I came home; its an injury and itd make some things inconvenient, its unpleasant to think about, Id need to get STD tests before we were intimate again, and Id need some hugs from him once I got home, but getting raped is not the end of the world. (I mean, ideally, theyd shut him down, but hopefully, at the very least, they dont actually agree and are just stuck talking to him about this against their will? I spent a lot of the day just wandering around the strip). It was BAD. Iasked ifI could come. This sounds like a difficult situation, so do whats best for you. Your friend is a wise woman. Surely you jest! Its been 12 years for me. If all else fails OP can blame in on an alien abduction. My then-husband and I spent three days in Vegas with two other couples, and the most sinful thing we did was see a strip show that our group leader had accidentally bought us all tickets to. Has the OPs spouse ever even BEEN to Vegas? I guess I read that differently than everyone else? They are readily available and heavily marketeda sudden whim or fancy could be a reality very quickly. I understand having those anxious thoughts, absolutely, especially if youve been cheated on in the past but if youre at the point of accusing your partner that theyll take some hypothetical opportunity to cheat and are foricng them to defend themselves from a purely hypothetical accusation, there are serious issues. Thats another reason to put off discussions the information just wont register with him while hes anxious. My husband was very upset. She is not the nicest mother in law, either. Perhaps Allison can clarify and correct if needed? OP, do you think hes more worried for you (someone will spike your drink, youll get kidnapped) or worried about you (youll cheat on him)? The whole letting her go thing could be controlling or abusive, but it could also refer less to physical ability to go there and more not letting her go in peace, or without a bunch of needy whining adult tantrums. They always ended up going to what one of them called armpit towns. Even if they went someplace cool, they rarely had time to do anything ever. I dont know, maybe other people are able to work through this kind of thing, but I couldnt. I remember being like, What would I even DO with all this space? ha! 2 junio, 2022; google load balancer path prefix rewrite; how much does it cost to join peninsula yacht club . Okay, I've been chewing on this for a few weeks. Id say the chances are > 50% that this guy never asked anyone anything. I'm lucky that she slept for most of the trip, but you can't assume that a 3 month old will sleep for 14 hours. If he refuses to go, go alone. Give yourself permission tofeel hurt and angry. Furthermore, Vegas ALSO markets itself as a family vacation and business conference destination. What happens in counseling is that the controlling spouse learns new language to gaslight and manipulate their partner with, and things get worse instead of better. Just in case. Thank you so much for your response! I agree with you on the personal deal-breakers, but thats not the discourse thats going on here at the moment. Hope you will enjoy the holiday! 2005-2023Everyday Health, Inc., a Ziff Davis company. I think that marriage counseling is the right way to go. If this were my husband, Id point out that Im statistically more likely to be murdered by him than by a stranger, therefore its probably safer to be in Vegas than at home. Husband and I live three hours away from Vegas. Grownups dont treat other grownups like this unless they are fundamentally abusive. One suggestion is to be sure that any connection you two have while youre on the trip is done in private. Just the past 2 weeks Ive taken a 3-day hiking trip, completely alone, and also a trail running workshop weekend with a group of other runners. It is not normal or rational. I understand where youre coming from, but even if this is exclusively his issue, joint therapy sessions can help each partner understand the others perspective. She worries about me being out alone after dark and it gets dark at 4:30 p.m. in the winter here. Its simple to plan a conference because food, rooms, space are all within one building. He wouldnt try and prevent me from going on one of those trips because it is work, but he used to fret quite a bit and if I didnt text when he expected (or didnt have phone service) he would panic (as in call highway patrol level panic). I might just be flinching at the use of the word wholesome, though. I went to Vegas for work once. Note: After I wrote this answer, I received more details about the letter-writer about exactly what her husbands objections are. Husband Hates Socializing - Chabad.org My husband knows I am a lone soul sometimes and love my exciting career. My husband is just glad he doesnt have to go with me, because more than a couple of days in Las Vegas is like being stuck inside a kaleidoscope. Usually these things build up over time and abusive relationships (even if not intentionally abusive even if the partner really does have anxiety or whatever and is not TRYING to be controlling!) I also had this thought. First, it doesnt workanxiety will inevitably find things to be anxious about, ultimatelyand second, its not reasonable or feasible to ask someone to do that. Travel tip: if you go into a bar whose name would make Hooters say whoa, too obvious and use your corporate AmEx to cut lines of coke, you are probably going to run into some trouble. (In 1989 there was 24-hour keno in practically every restaurant.). I strongly suspect it is not actually about Vegas, but perhaps a trip full of family friendly activities there could solve his issue if it is, in fact, about Vegas. If I were married and my husband told me that he honestly thought so little of me that he assumed I would cheat on him because I was going to Vegas for a business conference, I would be heartbroken. Im surprised that you specify *rural* Saudi Arabia given that Saudi Arabia is one of the least egalitarian countries in the world, with virtually no freedom of religion. Dont answer the phone? I mean sure its possible hes found someone that shares his view, but I think its mostly him just hearing what he wants to hear. I might include a warning when I announce the event though thats like, even though this event is in Las Vegas, XCorp still expects its employees to hold themselves to our high standard of professionalism or whatever. If your husband wont go to counseling, go alone. This will make him feel valued and appreciated and more likely to want to spend time with you so you won't complain: "My husband never wants to do anything with me.". Likewise, but I was in Hyattsville, Md. I wanted to get tickets for a show, but it was sold out. Im pretty sure most religious counselors would see the ridiculousness of his position too. Long-term meds may not be right, and often take time to work out, but theres several near-instant calming agents available and they could be the best place to start if the Vegas trip is coming up soon. He couldnt leave her in a peace for five minutes on her last business trip, and is questioning the companys motives, all while she is the primary breadwinner? She thought surely I would be kidnapped in the dark parking lot. Theres other stuff to when she was in Vegas last she dressed differently and the way she talked to me. Im not diagnosing at all. Someone this uptight probably doesnt have friends. Your feigned hysteria of all caps and multiple exclamation points comes across like a rude caricature of people you disagree with. Excuse me? Agree with the advice for counseling. Irrational fears are just a normal part of life, especially in these days of social media and around-the-clock news coverage, but when they either start holding you back from doing things you want/need to do or start negatively affecting the people in your life, thats a sign youve stepped over the line of normal and should seek help finding that line again. So all the brothel skits on Reno 911 were a lie? Either way, the fact that husband is freaking out and polling friends sounds like he, at least, needs to speak with a therapist, and both of you together would be even better to tackle this problem (the problem being his anxiety and the way its impacting your relationship, not the fact you need to travel). Are we sure that survey actually happened? I cannot stress how much this letter pisses me off. I made this comment on the most recent one of those! I wonder if one solution wouldnt just be to bring her husband WITH her (on her own expense and probably paying for their own room)? Unlike other cities where the hotels and expo centers are spread apart dotted in among the rest of the city, the downtown area was basically built for tourists/travelers. I dont even like Vegas and end up there twice a year because its such a common conference location because of the affordability. I really hope it does lead to the OP getting help. :P. The drunk human traffickers are trafficking the dealers! Conversely, if he came home with the same news, my response would be, Thats great! Also, in some (not all) work situations, it would be quite weird and out of step for someone to bring their spouse along. For example, I dont gamble and drugs, etc have no appeal. He is the one with the heavy lifting, though. Certainly do not risk your career by bailing on this completely reasonable work trip. There is no one in his family who lives near us. couch their controlling tendencies as worry and concern, because they know their victims will want to soothe and appease them, because they are just super nice worry-wart spouses who just really, truly, are so *concerned*. But Im not lazy I just love my wife and after 8 yrs of marriage Im worried shes bored with me. Be direct, and even brutally honest: Im not having this conversation (& hang up); Im not doing this again (& walk away); Im not changing my mind; Im not negotiating Im giving you the facts Basically, lots of Im not/I cant/I wont statements that are all about you and your limits. Im also a Chicagoan with an irrational former fiance. Most of them. even though this event is in Las Vegas, XCorp still expects its employees to hold themselves to our high standard of professionalism, My team goes to DC every year for a conference and I always tell them something like, The conference schedule is packed and unfortunately were not going to have any time for sightseeing or tourism. My hunny is not a fan of me getting up at 4:30 and going running in the dark by myself. On the flip side however, I do know some couples who havent spent a night apart in 20+ years. Its not clear how much of this is general anxiety versus a specific concern about Las Vegas, but for the latter, some combination of yeah, Vegas might have been like that fifty years ago, but this is 2017 and its tame now and you cant believe everything you see on TV, theyre just going for the ratings might help. If your husband has never traveled for business, and hasnt traveled much in his personal life, and his friends have similar life experiences, then its no wonder that hes created this scenario where all that happens in Vegas is affairs and crimes. So anything that could be perceived poorly at their church is not allowed. So yeah, this isnt something that everyone feels, nor is it reasonable. But it is a common business trip destination for the reasons others have noted and certainly poses no danger to anyone with common sense. Youre five minutes late? Its absolutely true, and she gets so. Im anxious and so is my Mother, so Ive been on both sides of this, and I have a lot of sympathy for you, OP, and for your spouse too.