A nurse brought me this far she took me into her arms and her home and decided she would be my mother. Bigger families imply more connections. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (MyCite Report). We have also learned of situations where a man is forced by his family to take a second wife because his parents disapprove of his first wife for any number of reasons (they didn't choose her, his mother no longer likes her, she's not the right nationality, ethnicity, skin tone, caste, race etc). International Journal of Social Psychiatry. Women need to be empowered with education and positive affirmation of self-worth. She explained" in the beginning, my husband ignored me and my daughters and reduces the monthly income for my children. It can be a challenge if wounds from old relationships arent quite healed. The women of polygamous families shared their lived experiences of polygamy. The questions were translated into English according to the needs of international journal. Grab Now! Her ex-husband died. He dearly loved his wife, Mary Ann Angell. She was living with her in-laws and never allowed her husband to live with his second wife in the same household. What's popular and why. She told, "I used to cry in isolation". Christianity condemns polygamy as an offence against the dignity of marriage, insisting that conjugal love between a man and wife must be mutual and unreserved, undivided and exclusive. The second wife shouldn't marry unless he promises to tell the first wife. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry received 934 citations as per google scholar report, Research Article - ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (2021), Received: 20-Nov-2021 These are jealousy, poor marital satisfaction, unhealthy competition, lack of trust, and many other mental health problems [12]. He says he isnt much of a speaker. After 11 years passed when she had not conceived her in-laws forced her husband for co-wife. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. It is an option. 2 Meet other future spouses. She also stated that "whenever I am depressed, I am used to saying my prayers and get relief because divorce is not an option for me." Thats irresponsible. Evelyn, who has a four-year-old son, now works as a waitress to help her mother with the legal fees for her divorce. Mrs. Mustafa said, she approved and permitted her husband to 2nd marriage. Journal of Moral Philosophy. Your spouse has lost their first wife either to divorce or death, both of which bring immense, albeit very different, pain and coping mechanisms. Second marriages also have a much larger cast of characters than any first marriage. She said "first wife of my husband always get more privilege than me." She met Mr. Kamran 6 years back and married her after falling in love. Some children may not accept a new mother or father figure, so instilling values or upholding rules with them may prove difficult. And it can get particularly difficult when it comes to discipline. Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Psychosocial and familial functioning of children from polygynous and monogamous families. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. READ MORE:Customary law know your rights. However later on she has also accepted co-wife because of infertility and destiny. She stated, I allowed a co-wife in my marriage because I was not able to have more children after my second child. Two Questions to Help You Spot a Clingy Partner-to-Be. There is splitting the assets, each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. Depending on the source, divorce rates are pretty scary. As some statistics have it, we are one in every four married women you will meet. Thamsanqa clears his throat and holds his wifes hand as he tells us that after being married for 15 years, he knew he needed a second wife. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. Rossi P. Strategic choices in polygamous households: Theory and evidence from Senegal. Community awareness of the effects of polygamy on women through media campaigns is a beginning step. But when a man marries for the second time he knows what he's getting into. In the long run, it is usually the second wife who is accepting of polygamy. Shes a nurse, not one of those rude ones, and she was kind and very helpful. The majority of Muslims have accepted official polygamy. Wed both been married before, but does that really matter? Accepting polygamy does not make. The applicant argued that the second woman's marriage was invalid because she, the first wife, had not consented to it: a notion upheld by the North Gauteng High Court. And there remains a slight sense of imbalance. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. Table 3: Frequency of co-wives for religion faith, admit the fate role, and compromise as coping strategies in polygamous marriages (N=11). Im in computer programming, which should tell you how much I love interacting with people, he says with a laugh. The advantages of polygamy were included sharing in-house responsibilities and child-rearing. For the majority of these women, infertility, love marriage by husband, lack of social and financial support, and fear of divorce were the cited reasons for allowing co-wives in their marriage. 1st wife of Mrs. Imam and 2nd wife Miss Nadia have attended some important ceremonies together but they did not get along (Table 2). To evaluate the outcomes of the relationship between co-wives. However, it is possible that a person is confronted with circumstances whereby he is unable to uphold his righteousness and purity, whilst maintaining relations with a sole lady, who happens to undergo periods of menstruation, pregnancy, delivery, suckling, and other forms of ailments, etc. Both babies were through cesarean. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. International Journal of Social Psychiatry. It means if your husband is a citizen or green card holder, he. Mediterranean Journal of Social Sciences. The advantages of polygamy were included sharing in-house responsibilities and child-rearing. In times of uncertainty you need journalism you can trust. Results: Three themes emerged from the study based on findings. Holloway ID, Ansari D. Mapping numerical magnitudes onto symbols: The numerical distance effect and individual differences in childrens mathematics achievement. Miss Nadia was the 2nd wife of Mr. Imam. Avoiding adultery According to WorldCat, 99 percent of polygamous married men use this reason as justification for their undertakings. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. In Pakistan polygamous women also facing many psycho social problems because our society is far away from the original teachings of Islam about polygamy. Polygamy | Becoming A Second Wife | Accepting Other Wives 13,077 views May 15, 2020 154 Dislike Share Diaspora Ukhti 3.66K subscribers This is a survey only! Data was collected from 11 polygamous women who consented to an in-depth interview. In the modern-day polygamy is not as much disputed as in the past. In addition, the interpretive phenomenological analysis (IPA) was used to generate a wide range of perceptions and opinions that women carry out about their experiences in polygamous family structures. Tarrant County Mugshots 2020, Who Is The Black Woman In The Audi Commercial, Why Does Shrimp Foam When Boiled, Cdl Speeding Ticket 15 Over In California . She has been married for 40 years. While in past empirical tests showed that children are strategic complements. She was very much disturbed and afraid of losing her husband. 5. Polygamy is often based on traditional cultural practices or religious beliefs. Finding the right path for their family also provides an opportunity for bonding. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. 2014; 5(27): 1058-1058. Mrs. Mustafa was another 1st wife. The first author analyzed the transcripts line by line, which was read repeatedly and thematically analyzed for their contents. For Aneesa Azeez, a 23-year-old Muslim convert and college graduate, her husband's . PostedNovember 5, 2012 Eva*, now 60 was married to my father for 28 years, and then one day he said he would like to add two more wives they were twins, she recalls. One female Mrs. Abdullah was feeding a new born baby she was 3rd wife of her husband. READ MORE:Surviving a polygamous marriage. But after few months it was disclosed. Source: Sunan Sad ibn Manr 633, Grade: Sahih. Challenges of Polygamy Partiality of husbands: this is where. As she said 'I am unable to fulfill the needs or desires of my husband, so I allowed him for 2nd marriage. Mrs. Kamran was the 2nd wife, working in a hospital. Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. Provide the three areas that were Islamized. He proposed for marriage to me as a second wife. However, several limitations exist. In a home with more than one wife, what happens when problems arise? He was a handsome 25-year-old who worked as a miner, and when he asked her gogo if he could marry Lillian, Nomqondiso agreed. The real term for that arrangement is polygyny, "the practice or condition of having more than one wife at one time." Poly was defined above, and -gyny probably looks familar, from words like misogyny and gynecology: it's the Greek gyne, "woman." But Im his last.. Both were a happy couple with 2 boys and 1 baby girl. Family pressure: Family pressure is also one of the common reasons for polygamous marriages. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. 2015; 12(3): 267-289. Different coping strategies have been explored to deal with the co-wives relationship by women to share their mutual husbands. Women experienced various degrees of emotional difficulties including jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness, and lack of intimacy with their spouses. That tends to bring with it even more debt and insecurities. In turn, some women don't tell their friends about their husband's other partners because young people in the region are becoming more outspoken on how polygamy is an arrangement that is designed. My first marriage--even though it lasted five years--did not. Current Psychology. The difficulty is usually with the first wife. They dream big. He didn't want to leave his first wife because they had already had 4 children together. Did You Know Anxiety Can Enhance Our Relationships? You know, its so sad because the new wives are also being treated horribly by my father but theyre too proud to talk to my mother because of the way they mistreated her.. , each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. 2. Current findings are in line in terms of infertile women who accepted co-wives rather than divorce but those having children never bother to admit or respect co-wives as one of female told she is living in a separate home. The historic context was that men often died in battle . In this case, I would prefer to keep my marriage to make sure my children have a bright future," she . Why is it higher the second time around? A man and his second wife in Pakistan tell of their daily fear of being killed by assassins at the behest of their families. During the analysis, three major themes were identified; (1) reasons for polygamous marriages (2) Relationship with co-wives/ consequences of polygamous marriage, and (3) strategies to cope with the co-wifes relationship. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry ISSN: 2231-7805 (In Print)E-ISSN "If it's mostly. But Professor Maphalala says although each family has its own way of doing things, its usually the husband who decides how the children should be disciplined. Polygamy as sort of status symbol. Unfortunately, those stereotypes are not accurate. Resource-defense, scarcity of men, and countering a high pathogen load, and cultural determinists posit religion and gender discrimination as factors of polygamy in these countries [15]. Many qualitative and quantitative studies have been conducted to evaluate the challenges and issues facing polygamous women on an international level. So second marriages tend to have less of the giddiness and more of the serious daily life attached. If he does so, either in public or secret, she has the right to divorce him. But Ron and I had already endured hardship . It was a love marriage. 2006; 52(1): 5-17. She said "After it, my husband was not trustworthy for me anymore. Incidentally, polygamy is illegal for non-Muslims according to Federal law but is allowed for Muslim men under Sharia Law. The reverse is probably true, too: When women are taken from the marriage market, men suffer. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry peer review process verified at publons. 2016; 22(3): 272-286. I would also like to add that polygamy is not a staple in Islamic culture, nor is it a tradition. What kind of man has three wives and no job? 3.What were the coping strategies which you used to accept the co-wives relationship? That kind of baggage can be detrimental to a second marriage and undermine any benefits of being the second wife. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology. Thereafter you will be billed R75 per month. Being a step-parent can be a very . But the current qualitative study is an attempt to fill the gaps that are left unexposed by survey-based or quantitative research and particularly to explore the positive consequences of polygamy and coping strategies which the polygamous women used to deal with co-wives relationships other than causes and disadvantages of co-wives. Initially, uBaba wanted me to stop working and look after the business as well but my calling is nursing, says a shy Thembi, 52, as she finally joins the conversation. Many people think bigamy and polygamy mean the same thing . Of importance is the need to disseminate the findings of studies like this one to those who are in a position to make change a reality. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. Mrs. Gulzar was another first/senior wife having three daughters. Thus, two things relating to marriage have affected the overall percentage of the population who find polygamy acceptable: more unmarried people in the population, and the fact that these. They were much younger than my mother, just eight years older than me. "This evening I am with my wife a lone by my fire side for the first time for years," Young wrote in his diary in January 1842. Mrs. Arslan did not avail of divorce and said it was her fate to share her husband with her co-wife for the future of her children. According to Mrs. Abdullah (3rd wife: Amina), she and other wives are living in the same home and got along well. You feel stuck and feel as if you do not belong where you are. She always imposes a fine of 5,000 Malaysian ringgit (around $1,700) and six strikes of a cane. Should second wives post billboards proclaiming that we are not necessarily women who flounce through life wearing ankle bracelets, feather boas, and alligator shoes? Here are 9 challenges of being a second wife to watch out for: Oh, this is your second wife. There is just something you feel from people when they realize you are the second wife; like you are the consolation prize, only second place. At that time her 3rd husband supported her emotionally and financially. Jealousy is something almost everyone is afflicted with at some point and just because someone chose to be in a polygamous marriage doesn't mean they deserve less sympathy than anyone else. Emerging broken, bruised and bleeding from a previous fall when the parachute didn't quite open, he is. He might marry a second wife before his divorce is complete, for example. Cross-Cultural Research. I told her that if it was going to make her unhappy I would forget about the whole idea. Being a parent is hard enough; in reality. In Muslim families the textual basis is provided by the Holy Quran for the practice of polygamy: "Marry women of your choice two, or three, or four, but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one". Even though there can be many advantages of being a second wife, you might feel inadequate when filling the spaces left behind by the ex-wife and kids. Most women dreaming of settling down probably aren't imagining doing so with a man who is already married. I was 14 when mom and dad told us Mam Thembi would be our second mother. In the current study, co-wives reported several negative consequences of polygamy such as jealousy, lack of trust, unhappiness, loneliness, unequal financial division, and social privileges among the multiple wives those are consistent with previous studies conducted in UAE, Kuwait, Egypt, Jordan, the Gaza Strip, Arabs in Israel, Palestine, and Turkey which point out that the wives in polygamous marriages have reportedly more psychosocial, familial and economic problems compared to their counterparts from monogamous families [16-20]. This can lead to a much-known phenomenon known as the second wife syndrome.. Yet there are many other cultures that support a mans choice to take more than one wife and believe it is something that can benefit the women as well. Love marriage: Love marriage is a very common reason for co-wives [13]. 2.Explain the nature of your relationships with co-wives. Ashraf story mirrors that of 25% of Egyptian husbands who, according to statistics provided by the National Centre for Sociological and Criminological Research (NCSCR), take on a second wife within three years of their marriage. When people. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR, Ben-Shimol-Jacobsen S. Attitudes toward and reasons for polygamy differentiated by gender and age among Bedouin-Arabs of the Negev. This can make for a challenging home life from day to day. 2008; 42(2), 103-117. Most Muslims do not practice polygamy. Divorce can be an expensive proposition. "I'm in a traditionalist polygamist relationship. Some second wives may have unknowingly become #2 and had thought they were in monogamy, until the husband plucks up the courage to reveal they have . I was so sad and heartbroken to the point of not speaking to him for three days! After calming down Lillian communicated her feelings and concerns to Thamsanqa, and he explained his point of view. She tried her best to convince her husband not to get married to another woman but she was not succeeded. After the wedding they all moved into a bigger house with cottages at the back for the children. There are many things about a divorced family that can be nontraditional, especially holidays. She said, 2nd wife of my husband also helps me in daily households activities. Literature indicates that the structure of the polygamous women's families badly affected the psychological and social functioning of polygamous women and children [9-11]. The sharia, Islamic family laws, and international human rights law: Examining the theory and practice of polygamy and talaq. She should approach him first and address the issue, Maphalala suggests. While a second marriage can be successful, its still a relationship composed of two imperfect people. He killed her when I was nine years old and he was arrested. Mrs. Tanveer was though accepted her husband's second wife but she told, when my husband got married to the second wife this sharing was indeed hurting for me. Mrs. Imam was 58 years old working lady living with her 2 children and a relationship with her co-wife. Mrs. Kamal due to the age factor she was very distressed at the time of her husbands' 2nd marriage but with time she accepted this relationship and had a good relation with 2nd wife and with her children. The interviews were verified for accuracy and consistency by listening to the recordings. Journalism strengthens democracy. Minor clashes are part of life to her. Journal of Family Studies. Further, they accepted co-wives as fate roles and made compromises rather than separation in most of the wives even they had kids. The newlyweds moved to Soweto where they started a family after Nomqondiso died. Disadvantages (Demerits) Of Polygamous Marriage 1. The positive side of the study is to explore the advantages and strategies used by polygamous women were very significant. Not many people like a second wife. She said, there was a time when I thought no one in the world was in my favor except God". King MT. Prevalence of mental health problems in women in polygamous versus monogamous marriages: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Mrs. Kamal helped to take care of her co-wife and her new born. This was a very uncertain and painful time for me. Not the wives of college friends, not old relatives who can't remember new names but who remember that they shelled out good money for a fancy gift the first time around, and especially not the original wife, who thinks of herself as the bona fide wife. Gabe and I won't have that. The appropriate strategies which are purposefully working by co-wives must be enhanced with proper education and implement programmers that teach coping mechanisms and stress management. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. No one does; no little girl longs to grow up and walk down the aisle to the strains of "Here Comes the Second Bride, All Dressed in an Ivory Suit." Unless of great importance or a family-related event, we rarely attended the same social event together with our husband.. Couples Therapy: Whats the Difference? The Advantages and Disadvantages of Polygamous Homes. At the very least, the term "second wife" has a very negative connotation. Your spouse may still have lingering feelings associated with the former marriage, including guilt, shame, regret, anger, sadness, or many others. 4. So why is the phrase second wife so unnerving? If that doesnt help, she can then approach his elders and explain exactly what it is thats happening and how shed like them to help. The design was flexible and consent was taken for an in-depth interview. 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