And he once told me how it had been weeks since I even hugged him. When my mother died my sister moved in to her house and is living there and wants to buy the rest of the siblings their share of the house. My dad was on CLOUD 9! I realized, its not about me, its about him. Every person mourns in different ways, intensity and time. You are not losing him, be happy , he wants you to be part of this. She and my father hid the severity of her initial diagnosis of stage iv for almost the entire illness (until it was undeniable). Im just not up to dealing with that yet. 2. This has got to be very tough for you. Ellen started telling me she loved me. At the time she barely knew me as I had just been an acquaintance in the past! Everyone grieves whatever amount is right for them. That night was his last, as they all shut down, one by one. Around sept 2022 I mentioned to my mom we were applying places and getting ready to move out as we were outgrowing the space we had there. They never lived together the occational wknd away or at the cottage and she said she would never sleep in my mothers bed so if she came to spend the night, it was in the spare room. He hasnt known this woman very long. But it seems that for right now, what makes him feel better is pushing our family apart. Huge fake boobs, huge fake lips, and annorexic-like 95 pounds with these huge double ds that made her look like a porn star. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: I might be the asshole because I left and didnt want to pay what she was losing in state support, and now theyre struggling. There is another of them tastefully making outI told him, once again, that this WAS AWKWARD. I also sent her thinking of you cards in the mail, knowing how she loves to send them to others herself. My Mum died almost 2 years ago in Sept 2011. I later learned she did not want me to come around. Just a couple weeks after her death I found out that my dad received pictures of Young Filipino women, 3 different women, and on top of that it was from a distant family member whom divorced my aunt and remarried an American Filipino women. Follow My dad passed away from throat cancer in Feb, just 4 months ago. I know how you feel. There's definitely a generation out there who got help starting from their parents and somehow still want to be supported by their children. But that will never make the feelings we have invalid. My family and I have done our best to communicate our feelings to him. My mom got a reference for a grief support group that I am thinking about going to. Another website I just left everyone was telling me to grow up, stop being selfish and thats her personnel affair. Your husband sounds lovely and supportive and it will be hard for him to witness your pain and to know he cannot prevent it. My wife was taken away from me well before February of this year. Try to do everything that you reasonably can in order to offer your mother a sympathetic ear. You cant just erase them from the face of the earth. I do know that I will need to find some way to deal with it, but I'm just worried that thinking about being sad will just make me sad. Now that that's over, she has no idea where she is. Better yet, cook a meal with her. My parents were together for 40 years. Long story short: Plus were were having a terrible time finding a priest. Years followed when they spent part of the week at her house and part at his. I do hope you have found some peace ? It felt so good to get on this website and read that so many other people are experience the same things that I am. She gets mad at him on every account. Mothers Day is this Sunday, I have told my Dad that I wont be around. Know that if you have a change of heart, you have to communicate that to those who are more than eager to help. I felt willing it to her was a stupid decision on his part but there is nothing I can do about it. I dont want him to make a huge mistake. Bravo! One of her friends has a special arrangement with her new husband. These adult kids need to mind their own businessget a life, get a job>support their self. He said tonight you will not win this you will not run my life. Yes, he is lonely and yes, you are lonely and yes, you both deserve not to be lonely. The problem is, even if the relationship is short-lived the pain it has already caused will not heal. Will the hurt/pain ever get better? There are still times I am so angry at him for choosing his girlfriend, over his family. How do I make peace with no longer having a relationship with my father and his lack of relationship with my daughters? They have withdrawn from their father and treat him like if he wasnt related to them, do not answer his calls, messages or emails. Or call 18665650065 between 8 a.m. and 8 p.m. His wife's. She will not go to hospitals with him as she doesnt like waiting around.My father says he is grateful to us but cannot comprehend the irritation and annoyance his behaviour causes. How could my father do this to me, the memory of my mom!!?? I called my dad to check up on him. Every mans dream, right? That is the way my dad is acting and I hate it! 97,343 The three other suspicious deaths linked to killer Alex Murdaugh and his family My mom passed away in October of 2010 after a six-month battle with lung cancer. One week THIS was what she was going to do, the next week THAT. I know that there is a sense of family loss when your father or mother enter a friendship or more serious relationship with someone else. She is playing games, encouraging him and then telling him not to call her any more. For you need to keep in honor her passing. may take time to adjust to a new woman in their dads life. I guess I wrote this hoping to give a Dads perspective and ask that those struggling try to accept the new person in your life and get to know them enough to judge them as they are. I cannot emphasise enough that there may well be a case of self-preservation here. Shes a nice person, but takes everything personally. Havent really been able to talk to anybody except for my significant other. You moved out and made your own friends/relationships, and eventually you will probably find one person to be with for a while. My parents did everything with my husband and I. My mother died in 2009. Home After Moms Death, Daughter Struggles With Dads Girlfriend. You have been. It has been really helpful to read so many posts, as Ive never talked to anyone in the same situation as myself. Hi guys, im super late to this post but just thought id share my experiences. NTA Go and live your best life. Its like Im an afterthought. Dealing with the same situation , except I have known this lady for many many years, and did not now like her do to some things she did to me, and that she is sneaky, manipulative, and nasty. It was a very long battle as you may be able to tell but she did end up moving on. They had never been really close other than the usual run ins at family BBQs. Now my sister and I are back to work and doing as well as we can be doing, I guess. I believe in family values. I was very honest with him about my feelings as well, talking about how upset it makes me that neither of my parents will be around to see me get married, or have children, things like that. Thanks for allowing me to do so. This really hurts me because she was my moms nurse. I dont care how old I am, him or her. I could never come into a situation with the full support of the grown kids. She didnt want me to do groceries for her anymore. It has completely altered my Dads relationship with is children. Alex's oldest son, 26-year-old Buster, was not killed alongside his mother and younger brother, and the Netflix docuseries doesn't explain where he was when his loved AITA for moving out of my moms house after my dad died? I just read the most recents posts.If you read this and think you can give me advice, please do. I could relate and it completely sucks. I sat there stunned. the new woman has done away with every thing that was my daughters . But she needs help. Wasnt she due a little more respect than this? As I reflect on the past five years, I've remembered some things and forgotten others; I've grown; I've surprised myself in a lot of ways. Any comments? 1) remarrying within 8 months of your spouses death and wanting to insert the new wife into everyones life regardless of their feelings; ), so was well aware that it was going to be hard seeing another woman not only married to my Dad, but living in the same house that my Mom did. She has always identified as the caregiver and may never be ready to give up that role. This website is great. I held her hand while she took her last few breaths. I dont want to feel guilty for wanting to be happy and make no mistake whether you are a dreamy-eyed 16 year old or a 41 yr old man, the feeling of falling in love takes your breath away. My mom had a disability in her legs for as long as I can remember and as she got older, it got worse and she got to the point of not being able to walk. to deal with this woman was challenging as admitting that this woman existed I had to admit a few other things: Im grown, so his actions should be of no concern to me! We suffered with them too as well as all the family members. If youre fortunate enough to be able to spend time with someone leading up to their death, you can try your best to have the hard conversations. Hong kong dollars 1.78 million to inform her son. I ran home with my friend several paces behind me to ask my father to help. We all brought pizzas over and his girlfriend brought cookies & fudge, etc. Its easy to say forget about her and watch a ballgame, but what if you watched a ballgame or read books for 5 years and stood by as the woman you loved became someone else and just withered away in a cruel manner. Those are my personal beliefs and I feel though she is gone she is still with me. I wanted to punch her in the face because she followed up that statement with she loved my father and next thanks giving would be better. What did he do around the house? I think being told to be friends with the girlfriend is uncalled for. Nice. It wasnt until years later that Sally revealed to me that I had focused so much on distracting her with impromptu dance parties, that I hadnt actually been there for her in the way that she truly needed. I feel this women is just looking to have someone take care of her and support her, and that she is hoping to move into my parents house. You summed it up in this line especially The very knowledge that my dad has moved on is like losing my mother all over again on a daily basis. I lost my mom to septic shock after routine gallbladder surgery at the end of October, 09. I have 2 older sisters. Our 5 kids (ages 20, 21, 22, 23 and 25) have embraced this new life of ours with open arms. In the summer, they went on an extended vacation. He realised what kind of person she was quite quickly hence the Whatever you do dont tell her.We were powerless, as we are now. He has moved in with her. My dad had been laid off and began taking care of her at home since she wasnt physically able to take care of herself. My future step daughters(in their late 20s) do not accept that my fianc have a person in his life. The girl is only 25 years old. I am pushed out and dont know what to do except stay away, but he is probably dying. Its because i took a picture of us 4 without her and because i have pictures of my mother up in the house and i do that on purpose. All he talked about was this womans body and how she works out everyday and she is model material. These things may be forgiven but a person cannot erase the pain from their memory unless they have memory loss. After my father and my dad also her mother was inheriting everything to keep a plant you may think about 25 and the same disease. I feel exactly as you have written. People that think the only way to find happiness is through a relationship and not through a connection with their family are selfish and shortsighted. I have been lucky because he hasnt tried to cram her down my throat, although it feels like that living with him. 1) mom was gone I strongly feel that like a teenager who gets his heart broken for the first time, he is clinging to someone TOO QUICKLY. Forgiveness will change your life and set you free. You have a commitment to your family. She said she was nice but why is she here. Shame on you to the end of time. As I said, they have a strange relationship. It also seems that he loves, respects, and wants your approval in the biggest way. I know it is 2017 and my mom passed 5 months ago, but your message was as if I wrote it. Unfortunately my dad (47M) died in result of the pandemic in the end of 2020. He read to her every night until she fell asleep. However, our reality is that we are still grieving the woman who was mom, sister, aunt, grandmother. He knew that I wasnt happy, but had no idea that it bothered me so much. She does housework and I do shopping etc. But I do agree the but family thing is just bs. With more time for our family to grieve and to have our dad, I think we would have had a much easier time accepting his new wife. Not once did she admit any wrong doing or remorse for her callusness or for disrespecting my mothers memory. Chief Distraction Officer was the best role I could play. He drives me insane. And if he has no relationship with you, he has no relationship with them. We are all somewhat scarred from all weve been through. I just pray so much that the lady he is dating is the woman she says she is and that she and I can find a way to bond over common interests. I dont think I will ever understand any man. Should I move to my mothers home after my fathers My struggle has always been how to care for someone who is so self-sufficient. Many times, she would make the entire dinner and transport it to my nieces place, leaving them with food for the week. This lola lady died last summer. He invited her in. So now its November.. my dads house is in the process of being fully remodeled. Thats why i was so surprised and relieved to find people to talk to that can actually relate. Most of the adult children of parents who are dating after a reasonable amount of time of the passing of a spouse, are in a mode of it is all about me and not about my parent. Anyway, no, you should want to start your family somewhere else. However I was not angry with my mother whenshe start dating. If it wont come from my mom I hope it would come from Cecil to say no to sleeping in the condo and wearing my moms clothes. Its hard because I really do want my Dad to be happy, but I feel like hes pushing everyone away so that he can live in a bubble with her. My new GF is so understanding and does not want to replace my wife. I wish I knew how to get passed this. He has 3 children.D 14, S 18, S 22. My Mom died December 7, 2008 after a 4 year fight with bone cancer. This was on August 26. But me and my Dads wife do not get along at all. My father is now almost 88.My sister and I alternate visiting him daily and seeing to his needs. So sada horrible lesson of how not to act..and it has only now been 7 months. By Christmas time, he started calling around to my aunts, uncles and cousins (from my mothers family) to announce that he would be getting married in January. Basically help her keep it together. It will be different for everyone. We kids need him. She struggled with cancer for over 2 years. I decided to move out July of that year to live with my boyfriend. When you lose someone you have loved for so many years dies, just REPLACE them with a new one. Two years plus into the relationship and we reset the course of the relationship to give his adult child (AC) time to accept and adjust through their own grieving process. I'm just saying it is possible to have that high of a bill. I basically have had to wash my hands of the situation. However, the horrors of the past and the selfishness and defence of the indefensible behaviour make visiting and caring all the harder. I would feel more comfortable with him dating, even if he set up a local profile on eharmony to meet for a date within the large cities he lives by. Before the argument, we had some discomfort about leaving our daughters with them. My dad started dating a former high school classmate of his about 9 months after my moms passing. Sometimes youre sailing smooth, and sometimes you get stuck in the mud. Your story is the same as mine. We would talk on the phone for long periods of time. Never give up! I felt this when I was on top of the world on the ledge of a boulder in the middle of Lake Cumberland, KY, the summer I decided to get 14 people together and rent a houseboat for a week. My dad has changed with the way he is with me too. He focuses his energy on what is right in front of him and never really considers how he is affecting anyone else. but Im defensive and worried.. Maybe she is the one but like many of you, she doesnt seem to be trying to have a relationship with me..We go out to dinner together with my husband, daughter, Dad and dads girlfriend, and its like crickets. My hair stated to fall out. The past month, my dad has threatened me twice about losing everything if I dont get on with the program. He left immediatly after we ate. I told her how much that upset us. . Best Movies about Death and Grief It's nice you and her were able to mutually benefit with you living there but now that you're ready to it's awesome! I wasnt actively looking for anyone but the opportunity presented itself thru my church. Maybe help her out around the house. I just wanted to say thanks for posting your experiences because its nice to know that I am not alone. I also strongly believe in letting a respectable period of time pass before beginning new liaisons, because these events affect everybody in the family, not just the parent this needs to be understood by parent and child. My question. She never acts but with self interest and self preservation in mind so she did it for her and not for him.